Snow Day!

So this past Sunday (Super Bowl Sunday) Michigan got slammed with a snow storm. Where I live got the most snow! We got 18.5-19 inches of snow in 24 hours! That's CRAZY!!! So while we were stuck inside all of Monday on Tuesday the snow plow man came and did our parking lot! The pile he was making in front of our place was huge! It was taller than I am! Also on Tuesday my truck was getting towed to the shop since it would not start at all. So when the tow guy called I decided to get Sprout all bundled up and take her out to play in the snow for a little bit! Here are some adorable pictures!

Also for a loss update...

I still have not miscarried on my own yet. I had my numbers tested again yesterday and they raised back up to 303. My previous number was 285. That was 9 days ago. So the next thing I want to happen is have an ultrasound to check everything out and make sure this is not an ectopic pregnancy (Where the baby is in the Fallopian tube). If it is I will have to get either the shot to start my miscarriage or have a D&C. 

My Dr. will be calling me today sometime to talk about what is the best option. I still have bad days but I know time will help. 

Let's get real for a minute.

It has been close to a week that I found out I lost our newest little bundle. We are going to get a bit real for a minute... This most likely won't have the cute pictures of Sprout but that is okay. This is what is going on in my life right now and I need to share it.

MISCARRIAGE SUCKS!!!!! MISCARRIAGE SUCKS!!!!! MISCARRIAGE SUCKS!!!!!

You know when you hear the work miscarriage you think bleeding. When I hear Miscarriage I laugh at that image and cry a little on the inside. I wish I was bleeding right now. I guess I am but not enough... I would call it spotting. I am so sick of spotting on and off all day. I am tired of acting like a crazy person from all of these hormones running through my body with no benefit of a new baby.

Every time I stop spotting it is just another reminder that I have not finished my process. It is another delay of me getting back to normal. My Dr. is amazing and said this could take some time for it to happen.  I know I am just being impatient. But I no longer get to have a childhood dream come true of being pregnant with my Best Friend. I don't get to feel the little flutters and whole belly rolls of a new baby. I never got to even hear a heartbeat let alone see it because I was too early.

You know when you want a baby you hear the statistics that 1 in 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage. You never think you are going to be that 1. Some times I am perfectly fine and I believe I am good... then there are other times I just want to cry and scream in frustration. I ask myself all the time "Why did this happen to us?" "Did I do something wrong?" "Is there something I could have done to prevent this?" "What if I can't keep any more babies?" And then the rational side of the chimes in and says "There is nothing you did, could have done, should have done to prevent this. Most miscarriages happen because there is a chromosomal deformity. One that would be deadly to any baby outside of my uterus.

I am so ready to move on. I am over feeling Bi-Polar. I am ready to feel happy. I would love to be pregnant soon but I don't know if i can handle it at the moment. Maybe sometime this summer.  But one thing is for sure my Dr. did tell me that as soon as I find out I am pregnant to call her and I get to become a human blood donation site. They will be keeping an eye on my hormone levels until I hit a cretin number and then it will be a lot of ultrasounds to keep an eye on the baby. I just see to have a knack of finding out I am expecting really really early. This next time I am kind of hoping I don't find out until I am at least 5 weeks along because by then they would only need to wait a week to see the baby.

So as depressing as this was I am really glad to get this off my chest. I hope that by sharing my journey this will help many of the other women out there that are going through the same thing. I don't want to hide what I am going through. I want to be able to help people and if only one person out there say "HEY I feel the same way! I am not alone in feeling this way." Don't worry my happy posts about Sprout will be coming back soon!  I think the next one will be her Birthday party prep... Things that I have finished already.

A very sad day.

It is with great sadness that I am adding this intro. As of 01/23/2015 my HGC (Pregnancy Hormone) levels have dropped. Which means I am miscarrying. My heart is breaking and questioning why this is happening. I do not feel right to just delete this post and not share what is going on in our life. Sprout is a big sister. Her sibling is just not here on earth with us any more. I was pregnant there is no denying that. And I want to acknowledge this baby.

 There are a few things going through my mind right now.
1. Miscarriage is very common. 1 in 3 pregnancies end in a miscarriage.
2. I feel like I knew there was something not totally right from pretty much the beginning. I had a "period" at the beginning of January.... while I was pregnant. They also said my numbers were on the low side from the start.
3. Most miscarriages happen because the baby is not viable and/or there is something wrong.

So in the next few days I will start the miscarriage process and I know it will be painful both physically and emotionally. As This happens I will be leaning on my parents, family and friends the most. I will most likely withdraw for a while from life. But it won't be long I do have a toddler that needs all my attention and 99.9% of my energy. Life will move on. This will get easier to deal with. I have an AMAZING support system to fall on and they will do anything for me that I need.

So here we go with the post....

With Sprout's 2nd Birthday quickly approaching , it is a busy time in our lives! So what better to do in our busy lives then ADD ANOTHER BABY!!! (Insert all kinds of happy music) That is right! Cody and I are so excited to announce Sprout is going to be a BIG SISTER! My estimated due date is September 16, 2015! Although that could easily change.

As I am typing this on January 19th I am somewhere between 4-6 weeks. There is a really big confusion about how far along I really am. Within the next 2 weeks I will have my dating ultrasound. I am very anxious about this. I have had some spotting with this pregnancy and I did not have that with Sprout. I am also already deemed high risk because of Sprout. She had IUGR (Inner Uterine Growth Restriction) and is why she was stopped growing in me at 37 weeks and why I was put in an induction when my body was not ready and lead to my C-section. I am also high risk because when I am pregnant my blood pressure skyrockets! But it will also then drop back down to a normal range so they can never give me blood pressure medication.

So far I do not have to many symptoms. I have days where I have morning sickness (Which lasts all stinking day!) I feel so bad for ladies that have it every day! I am so useless when I have it. I am starting to get more tired now, which I expected since last time I would sleep 11-12 hours a night! Sadly I do not get to have the pleasure of doing that again. Oh and I am going to the bathroom more already but that is expected!

I am so excited for this baby! Sprout is going to make an AMAZING big sister! She is already such a little mother hen. She always is carrying a baby, stuffed animal. something around the house! She also likes to use the newborn diapers I have been buying for a while now as diapers for her baby! By the time this baby is born I bet she will be a pro! I think she also already gets that there is a baby in me! She gives the baby kisses and hugs before she goes to sleep for the night! How sweet is that!

I have decided I am going to take you guys along with my on my journey of my second pregnancy! Every week I will do an update. I will be taking weekly pictures and I will also answer the flowing questions:

How Far Along: 

Weight Gain/Loss:

Sleep:

Best Moment This Week:

Movement:

Food Cravings/Aversions: 

What I Miss: 

Stretch Marks:  

Belly Button:  

Wedding Rings:  

Mood: 

Labor Signs:  

Milestones: 

Gender:

Upcoming Appointments/Events: 

What I look forward to: 

Weekly Wisdom: 

My greatest wish will be to have a healthy pregnancy with no major complications. I will have to have a c-section sadly but I have made my peace with it and it is what it is. I want a healthy baby. It does not matter to me what gender they are. As long as they are healthy I am good. Oh and just so you know until we find out gender I will be calling the baby they when I am talking about them. To call the baby and it is just strange to me and I will not do it! I really wish I would have documented my first pregnancy like I plan on doing it this time around. I would be able to remember more of that time! 

Sprout Update

So this is going to be a hodge Podge of a post! Just warning you all early on!!

So we had Thanksgiving with Dad again this year but we also had some amazing, wonderful guests come as well! One of my bridesmaids, BFF. I have literally know her since she was born, and an aunt to Sprout: Aunt Angel and her mom Jen came over. It was one of the best Thanksgivings we have had in a long time! The food was AMAZING as usual (Thanks Dad!!!), the conversation was great and I don't remember laughing so much in a long time! 

Poor Sprout was not feeling well and really only ate her corn that day. She still isn't feeling the best and is having some potty issues so I will be calling the Dr tomorrow to get an appointment to get her feeling better. Last time she was checked she was back down to 20 lbs. She is 32 inches tall! So almost double her birth height! 

She is finally starting to get more words and is using them correctly! I am hoping this means we are going to have a few less tantrums. Although now that she knows certain words I now wish she didn't know them!!!! The top 4 would be "Shake Shake" "Ba ba" Tinker Bell" "Frofen". Which all mean Shake it off, All about that Base, Tinkerbell movie, and Frozen. I hear these words about 100+ times a day! Oh and she is now in LOVE with her first boy band..... One Direction. I thought I still had about 10 years before this began! 

While she is now 21 months I have started planning her birthday party!!! I am so excited for this party! Just like last year this is more than a party! It is celebrating that we have made it another year through all ups and down and all the illness and fun times.  

We have decided this year to do what was supposed to be her 1 year birthday theme... Farmland! I am so excited to do all the decorations and see her eyes light up when she sees all of the farm animals she knows. Here are some of my pictures that are my inspiration!

A New Letter to Sprout

Dear Sprout,

You are 21 months old. You are at an age where you are soaking up SO much information! You are in the middle of a big verbal boom! Not to long ago I asked you if you got a ball and with a huge radiant smile on your face you looked at me and exclaimed "I GOT IT!!" I looked at you in utter shock and started laughing. You are so very smart and are catching on to so many things! I am so proud to be your mom! We are so blessed you are in our family.

Your personality is showing more and more every day. You are happy, outgoing, independent, determined, curious, a boundary pusher, a limit tester (right now your are climbing on top of your activity table), feisty, sassy, silly, caring, helpful, thoughtful, mothering, creative, and so many other traits I could not possibly list!  While most days right now you make me want to pull out my hair a few times a day, I would not want it any other way! I know right now I need to put so much energy, time, and effort in to you but in a very short time you will older and I will miss this time. I will miss not being able to go to the bathroom by myself. I will miss you right under my feet. I will miss you looking right at me and pour out your water on the table/couch/floor just to see what the water will do. I will miss you trying to delay nap or bed time by saying "Mama?" And when I say "What do you need?" You grab my face and give me a kiss. You do this about 10 times right now. I will miss you bringing me the same book to read to you for the 100th time that day.

There is one thing about you that has grown even more. That thing is the love of your dad. I can not express to you how much you love your dad. Like in the last letter I wrote you, you two have a very special connection. When I get you out of your bed in the morning and walk back in our room your sleepy eyes light up and you squeal "DA-DA!" Your crawl right over to him uncover his face and give him kisses. Then when he wakes up for the day to get ready for work and you hear the shower turn on, you turn to me look at me with such excitement and ask "Dada Knock Knock?" Which in Sprout language mean "Can I go upstairs to knock on the bathroom door until Dad lets me in to take a shower with him?" It is the cutest thing to see every day. You then have to go stand on the bay window when he leaves the house and wave bye-bye from the window as he drives away. I hope you two are always this close! I know you will disagree when you are older (especially when you are a pre-teen and teen!), but done worry I will always help with the negotiations!

I am so beyond blessed to have you as my daughter. You are just perfect as who you are!

Toddler life!

I feel that I can honestly no longer call Sprout a baby. She will always be my baby but she is no longer a baby. She is a full blown toddler! She has opinions, likes and dislikes and is not afraid to share that she is upset when things are not going the way she wants. There are some days (like today) that she will not leave the house without something. Today it happened to be her bunny. Also when I got her fairy wings for her Tinkerbell costume she would not leave them in the car for her Drs appointment. The nurses and staff all got a huge kick out of her. I will have to say she was so adorable!

One of the "new" (not really new but she is getting more into it) loves of her life is dancing! She loves music and will drop what ever she is doing to dance. Her two favorite songs right now are Shake It Off by Taylor Swift and All About That Base

She LOVES, LOVES, LOVES gymnastics! Her favorite thing right now is the bars. She also really enjoys the balance beam and the vault. Her teacher says she is going to go pretty far pretty quickly because of how small she is. The positive side of being so small right?? Sprout has now started to hang on to any surface she can get a grip on and lift her feet up.

We had a follow up for an er visit last week with her normal dr. today. She is now officially up to 20lbs and she is now 30 inches tall!!! I am so happy she has reached that weight and height! She is still a little short but then again look at her parents!

Last weekend we had pictures of Sprout down in her flower girl dress. She was not feeling well on the day of our friends wedding so there were not many pictures of her at all. After all the time I took to find that dress I wanted some pictures of her in them!

5 Things I love about Sprout part 2

I really enjoyed writing my first 5 things I love about Sprout post a few months ago so I decided to do another one!

1.) You keep me on my toes! As someone who has been helping raise children through neighborhood children, family, and teaching my toddler and preschoolers, as well as going to school for education. I thought I had a pretty good idea of what you should be doing and when. What I didn't take in to account was that you have your own plans for your life. You like to surprise people and do things in your own way.

As a late term preemie, I was told by most every doctor that you will be doing things a bit later than other babies your age. You had to of been listening and said to yourself " Challenge ACCEPTED!"

At 12 days old you started rolling over with purpose.
At 5 months you started to crawl before you learned how to sit up by yourself.
At 6 months you were pulling yourself up on to things and standing.
At 7.5 months you decided you no longer needed to eat baby food and you wanted "real" food. I say "real" because even though she was eating what I was eating I still blended it up in the baby bullet.
You also were drinking out of a straw at this time too.
At 9-10 months you were going down the stairs by yourself. Not just going down but going down facing forwards.
At 12 months you decided you finally wanted to walk! This is one thing you were very stubborn on. you could walk before you were one but you didn't want to. You also started using the potty shortly after your first birthday. (Usually once or twice a day but I was still so proud!)
By 15 months you were holding crayons, pencils, and pens the correct way. As well as using a fork and spoon.
And finally at 17 months, you are stringing beads on pipe cleaners, climbing up climbing walls at the playground by yourself for the most part, started putting shorts, skirts, and pants on by yourself!

Just when I tink I know what you can do and get you something that  that I think will challenge you, you prove me wrong! I showed you how to put a bead on the pipe cleaner TWO times! Only TWO times and you were doing it all on your own!

You are constantly making me think and change up my game! I'm always looking for new things for you to do to help you learn. You are so smart! You also love to read, learn colors, shapes and numbers. I hope your thirst of knowledge never diminishes!

2.) Your love for others. You love other people so much! You really love babies, especially your baby cousin Kurt. You are so gentle with him when you give him kisses and hold his hands. You also really love your kitties! They are some of your favorite things! They may not appreciate your kisses or you picking them up (well at least you trying to anyway) to give them big hugs! But I know they love you too!

You also now randomly grab your Dad's and my face and make us look at you, give us a kiss or hug. Multiple times usually! Every time you do that my heart becomes a huge puddle! EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

I hope you will always have this trait of compassion and kindness. It will help you so much in life.

3.)I love that you still cuddle with me! You are at an age that most children are too busy exploring to slow down and sit for a little bit. You snuggle in and release a sigh of contentment. I know soon enough you will no longer want to do this. I hope not, but I am not going to be surprised if it happens one day soon. I also love that you will still sleep on me. The dishes that need to be washed, the laundry that needs to be folded and put away, and the toys that need to be picked up will always be there. You on the other hand will not always be this small. You will not always need me. You will grow up and become (I hope) a kind, considerate, self- confident, independent young lady. I will most certainly miss this time with you.


4.) I love that you are a water bug! You love water, weather it is your nightly bath, going to the lake, a tub full out on the porch, the pools at your Grandparents house's or the kitty water or toilet bowl (Much to my enjoyment!) If there is water around you want to be in it! I am sure you get this trait from me since I am a water bug myself and I am so happy you love it as well! You are not scared of getting water in your face and now actually do it to yourself now!

5.) Your fearlessness!! You are scared about very little in this world! You love throwing yourself when you are in someones arms or sitting on my lap. You love flipping, being thrown up in the air, swinging, climbing... anything that could give me a mini heart attack you LOVE it!! I hope you keep this quality about you through out your life. No matter now many heart attacks I am going to have because of it!