So I know it has been about two months since my last post and what can I say... life happens. In that time we have done lots of fun things. We had a cousin's 1st Birthday, Easter and Mother's Day! We had lots of play dates and just fun life things. I thing the biggest new we have is WE ARE HAVING ANOTHER BABY!!!!!!
I am due December 16th and we are beyond excited! I will be doing a pregnancy update every with with a lovely list of questions. This pregnancy has NOT been easy on me at all this time! I have pretty sever morning sickness and usually get sick at least once a day if not more. I again have extreme fatigue again like I did with Sprout. Sadly this time I don't get to sleep 12+ hours a night. As of today I'm 9 weeks 4 days. Like I planned on doing with the pregnancy I lost I am going to be doing weekly updates.
How Far Along: 9 Weeks 4 Days
Weight Gain/Loss: I am not to sure on this but I think I am up 4 lbs
Sleep: I love my sleep! I sleep pretty well at night and then I normally take a 2 hour nap with Sprout
Best Moment This Week: Going in to Babies R Us to go look which double stroller we are going to get!
Movement: Too Early
Food Cravings/Aversions: I have a ton of aversions but it is mostly from smells. My cravings are mostly sweet things again so far as well as Mexican food. I could eat enchiladas or burritos everyday!
What I Miss: Being able to sleep on my belly. Already it is uncomfortable to lay totally on my belly at night.
Stretch Marks: No new ones that I can see.
Belly Button: In It never popped out with Sprout
Wedding Rings: On
Mood: My hormones are running like crazy. I am pretty moody lately. Sadly I know I take it out on my family a bit more than I should. But that should be going away soon! (I hope)
Labor Signs: None
Milestones: We have passed the week I miscarried in January so I have very relieved by that!
Upcoming Appointments/Events: High Risk Dr (MFM) on the 27th with an ultrasound!
What I look forward to: I am so excited to see this little bean on the 27th. I know I will be getting LOTS of ultrasounds this time around from the beginning!
Weekly Wisdom: Everything can wait. When you feel so sick all day and all you want to do is sleep. It is okay!
As I sit here at 2:03 AM. it just hit me. You are going to be 2 years old in just 4 short day! This thought has so many emotions to go along with it. Happiness, sadness, amazement, excitement, wonder. All are running through me right at this moment. I will be honest with you sadness is winning at this moment as tears are rolling down my face.
You have grown so much and I am so lucky to be called your mom. You amaze me every day with what you are learning. You drive me insane with your temper tantrums and your coloring on things you know are not to be colored on. You make me laugh at your silliness. You make me cherish the times you want to cuddle and fall asleep on me for a nap. I am so proud of you when people say how smart you are. But they also ALWAYS tell me how pretty and cute and adorable you are.
How in the world has 2 years gone by already?! I remember it like yesterday... I was at the Dr's and I was getting my ultrasound on you to check on how you were growing. And all I remember is the nurse telling me to be prepared to be told by the Dr. that I was being sent upstairs. That 10 minutes was the longest 10 minutes (well one of the longest) in my life. I had to call your dad and tell him to be ready to leave work if I called since he was getting ready for work as I was at the Dr's. Then the Dr. came in and told me they were going to induce me on Tuesday. I released a sigh I didn't realize I was holding in. We got a total of 4 days to finish preparing for you. I would be 37 weeks on Tuesday and they were hoping you would be a bit bigger than the 4 lbs 11 oz you were measuring.
My next memory is us getting in the hospital room and checking in... I was prepared to have you in a days time or two. But you know I should have known better. You have been your own person and you have had your own personality since you were inside me. Example: We knew that you were a girl for less than a month before I had you! Most parents get to find out months before their child comes into this world! NOT WEEKS! Again you had your own plan and that was to stay in me... you were not ready to come out. Sadly for you that was no longer an option since you stopped growing. So your Bampa (Grampa) guessed your birthday right. I believe he was the only one to guess Valentine's Day.
When that day rolled around I was DONE! I wanted you out and I was tired of wires and vitals and not getting any sleep! So it was decided that we would have you that day. As I was getting ready to walk down to the OR I got super nervous. I had a mini panic attack/ meltdown right before ( Remember at this point Mom has only fractured her elbow and sprained her ankles. So nothing like major abdominal surgery!! I was scared) After they got everything going the next 10 minutes were the (next) longest minutes I waited. I waited to hear you cry for the first time. Again I was holding my breath and when I heard you with your high pitched, loud, strong cry it was like all stress and worry blew out of my body along with that breath I was holding. The next worry was if you were going to need NICU time. We got really lucky because you didn't.
Looking back on that day, it was easily my favorite day (aside from getting married to your dad!) of all time! Looking back at the past 2 years it makes me see how time really does fly. I want it to slow down! We are already looking at preschools for you. Next in just 3 short years you will be off to Kindergarten. In 8 years you will be in double digits! In 11 years you will be a teenager!!!! GASP! And in 14 years you will be able to drive and 16 years you will be graduating from High School. Can we please just slow things down. I want to enjoy you the age you are.
You know that Taylor Swift song "Never Grow Up" ? It use to have a completely different meaning to me. But now that you are here I can not listen to that song without bursting in to instant tears.
Your little hands wrapped around my finger & it's So quiet in the world tonight Your little eyelids flutter cos you're dreaming so I Tuck you in, turn on your favourite nightlight
To you everything's funny You got nothing to regret I'd give all I have honey If you could stay like that
Oh darling don't you ever grow up Don't you ever grow up Just stay this little Oh darling don't you ever grow up Don't you ever grow up It can stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you Won't let no one break your heart No one will desert you Just try to never grow up Never grow up
You are going to want to Grow up as fast as possible. Trust me I did too. You know what? I want to go back and be a kid again but then again I don't because I would loose you. You are easily the most important person (along with your dad) in my whole entire world! So please as you are reading this when you are older just remember don't grow up too fast.
So this past Sunday (Super Bowl Sunday) Michigan got slammed with a snow storm. Where I live got the most snow! We got 18.5-19 inches of snow in 24 hours! That's CRAZY!!! So while we were stuck inside all of Monday on Tuesday the snow plow man came and did our parking lot! The pile he was making in front of our place was huge! It was taller than I am! Also on Tuesday my truck was getting towed to the shop since it would not start at all. So when the tow guy called I decided to get Sprout all bundled up and take her out to play in the snow for a little bit! Here are some adorable pictures!
Also for a loss update...
I still have not miscarried on my own yet. I had my numbers tested again yesterday and they raised back up to 303. My previous number was 285. That was 9 days ago. So the next thing I want to happen is have an ultrasound to check everything out and make sure this is not an ectopic pregnancy (Where the baby is in the Fallopian tube). If it is I will have to get either the shot to start my miscarriage or have a D&C.
My Dr. will be calling me today sometime to talk about what is the best option. I still have bad days but I know time will help.
It has been close to a week that I found out I lost our newest little bundle. We are going to get a bit real for a minute... This most likely won't have the cute pictures of Sprout but that is okay. This is what is going on in my life right now and I need to share it.
You know when you hear the work miscarriage you think bleeding. When I hear Miscarriage I laugh at that image and cry a little on the inside. I wish I was bleeding right now. I guess I am but not enough... I would call it spotting. I am so sick of spotting on and off all day. I am tired of acting like a crazy person from all of these hormones running through my body with no benefit of a new baby.
Every time I stop spotting it is just another reminder that I have not finished my process. It is another delay of me getting back to normal. My Dr. is amazing and said this could take some time for it to happen. I know I am just being impatient. But I no longer get to have a childhood dream come true of being pregnant with my Best Friend. I don't get to feel the little flutters and whole belly rolls of a new baby. I never got to even hear a heartbeat let alone see it because I was too early.
You know when you want a baby you hear the statistics that 1 in 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage. You never think you are going to be that 1. Some times I am perfectly fine and I believe I am good... then there are other times I just want to cry and scream in frustration. I ask myself all the time "Why did this happen to us?" "Did I do something wrong?" "Is there something I could have done to prevent this?" "What if I can't keep any more babies?" And then the rational side of the chimes in and says "There is nothing you did, could have done, should have done to prevent this. Most miscarriages happen because there is a chromosomal deformity. One that would be deadly to any baby outside of my uterus.
I am so ready to move on. I am over feeling Bi-Polar. I am ready to feel happy. I would love to be pregnant soon but I don't know if i can handle it at the moment. Maybe sometime this summer. But one thing is for sure my Dr. did tell me that as soon as I find out I am pregnant to call her and I get to become a human blood donation site. They will be keeping an eye on my hormone levels until I hit a cretin number and then it will be a lot of ultrasounds to keep an eye on the baby. I just see to have a knack of finding out I am expecting really really early. This next time I am kind of hoping I don't find out until I am at least 5 weeks along because by then they would only need to wait a week to see the baby.
So as depressing as this was I am really glad to get this off my chest. I hope that by sharing my journey this will help many of the other women out there that are going through the same thing. I don't want to hide what I am going through. I want to be able to help people and if only one person out there say "HEY I feel the same way! I am not alone in feeling this way." Don't worry my happy posts about Sprout will be coming back soon! I think the next one will be her Birthday party prep... Things that I have finished already.
It is with great sadness that I am adding this intro. As of 01/23/2015 my HGC (Pregnancy Hormone) levels have dropped. Which means I am miscarrying. My heart is breaking and questioning why this is happening. I do not feel right to just delete this post and not share what is going on in our life. Sprout is a big sister. Her sibling is just not here on earth with us any more. I was pregnant there is no denying that. And I want to acknowledge this baby.
There are a few things going through my mind right now.
1. Miscarriage is very common. 1 in 3 pregnancies end in a miscarriage.
2. I feel like I knew there was something not totally right from pretty much the beginning. I had a "period" at the beginning of January.... while I was pregnant. They also said my numbers were on the low side from the start.
3. Most miscarriages happen because the baby is not viable and/or there is something wrong.
So in the next few days I will start the miscarriage process and I know it will be painful both physically and emotionally. As This happens I will be leaning on my parents, family and friends the most. I will most likely withdraw for a while from life. But it won't be long I do have a toddler that needs all my attention and 99.9% of my energy. Life will move on. This will get easier to deal with. I have an AMAZING support system to fall on and they will do anything for me that I need.
So here we go with the post....
With Sprout's 2nd Birthday quickly approaching , it is a busy time in our lives! So what better to do in our busy lives then ADD ANOTHER BABY!!! (Insert all kinds of happy music) That is right! Cody and I are so excited to announce Sprout is going to be a BIG SISTER! My estimated due date is September 16, 2015! Although that could easily change.
As I am typing this on January 19th I am somewhere between 4-6 weeks. There is a really big confusion about how far along I really am. Within the next 2 weeks I will have my dating ultrasound. I am very anxious about this. I have had some spotting with this pregnancy and I did not have that with Sprout. I am also already deemed high risk because of Sprout. She had IUGR (Inner Uterine Growth Restriction) and is why she was stopped growing in me at 37 weeks and why I was put in an induction when my body was not ready and lead to my C-section. I am also high risk because when I am pregnant my blood pressure skyrockets! But it will also then drop back down to a normal range so they can never give me blood pressure medication.
So far I do not have to many symptoms. I have days where I have morning sickness (Which lasts all stinking day!) I feel so bad for ladies that have it every day! I am so useless when I have it. I am starting to get more tired now, which I expected since last time I would sleep 11-12 hours a night! Sadly I do not get to have the pleasure of doing that again. Oh and I am going to the bathroom more already but that is expected!
I am so excited for this baby! Sprout is going to make an AMAZING big sister! She is already such a little mother hen. She always is carrying a baby, stuffed animal. something around the house! She also likes to use the newborn diapers I have been buying for a while now as diapers for her baby! By the time this baby is born I bet she will be a pro! I think she also already gets that there is a baby in me! She gives the baby kisses and hugs before she goes to sleep for the night! How sweet is that!
I have decided I am going to take you guys along with my on my journey of my second pregnancy! Every week I will do an update. I will be taking weekly pictures and I will also answer the flowing questions:
How Far Along:
Weight Gain/Loss:
Sleep:
Best Moment This Week:
Movement:
Food Cravings/Aversions:
What I Miss:
Stretch Marks:
Belly Button:
Wedding Rings:
Mood:
Labor Signs:
Milestones:
Gender:
Upcoming Appointments/Events:
What I look forward to:
Weekly Wisdom:
My greatest wish will be to have a healthy pregnancy with no major complications. I will have to have a c-section sadly but I have made my peace with it and it is what it is. I want a healthy baby. It does not matter to me what gender they are. As long as they are healthy I am good. Oh and just so you know until we find out gender I will be calling the baby they when I am talking about them. To call the baby and it is just strange to me and I will not do it! I really wish I would have documented my first pregnancy like I plan on doing it this time around. I would be able to remember more of that time!
